Hello to all my watchers and friends on deviantart! There is something I felt like writing down today, just for the sake of getting it off my chest.
Don’t worry its not at all sad, its actually kind of funny!
I would like to share how I feel about the very nice people on deviantart and the people around me in general.
I feel so happy that I have friends in this world, and have met so many nice people who take interest in my Carwailea project, but I feel that it is rather difficult for me to completely adjust to the way most people think. Not in a bad way, just in a way that makes me feel strangely older than I should at the age of 18 because of the fictional second life I have lived on Carwailea as my Carwaileon persona, Rayem.
Rayem is currently over 50 years old, and has experienced adventure, war, peace, friendship, love, marriage, and even raising children.
Even as my real self, I feel like I have lived so long and feel like an old soul, yet I am still young and not yet capable of so many things most Humans can do because of the fact that I’m still only 18 in my real life.
I think it all changed for me when in my Carwailea life, my persona Rayem had children with Riza.
It was the most wonderful and beautiful experience of my life as Rayem, so wonderful that it even changed my perception of things in the real world.
I cannot ever be the same again since I became a father as Rayem. I feel that I need to protect and care for everyone and everything I hold dear, just like a parent. I feel like a Dad all the time,
even when it is not at all necessary.
Strangely, I somehow feel like a father all the time. I feel old. I feel strangely mature, and it conflicts with my surroundings in the real world, as I am still only 18 years old in reality and shouldn't really be thinking of things like a father yet.
I really shouldn’t feel like a father yet, but I do. I feel like a father all the time to almost everyone. I feel fatherly towards most of my friends, even though many of them are older than me. It is quite funny.
But still, as confusing as my strange mind is, The fatherly emotions I am experiencing is still a beautiful feeling, but it is all from fiction, but if it is fiction, can it still count if it feels no less real to me than reality? ...
Do my fictional years in Carwailea count in my real life too in terms of wisdom and how old I feel? ...
I guess that is something I still have to find out.
But I honestly do not think much of it either way. I feel like an old soul, and I am happy with who I am, no matter how unusual my mind is for an 18 year old Human.
I think what is most important to any person is to be happy and comfortable with who they are.
I certainly am, and I hope all of my kind watchers and friends on deviantart are comfortable with who they are too. It is always good to be happy, and proud of who you are.